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package Acme::MakeMoneyAtHome; |
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$Acme::MakeMoneyAtHome::VERSION = '1.001001'; |
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use strict; use warnings; |
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use Exporter 'import'; |
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our @EXPORT = 'make_money_at_home'; |
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our @Subject = ( |
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"roommate", |
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"cousin", |
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"neighbor", |
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"mother", |
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"father", |
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"sensei", |
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"associate", |
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"senator", |
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"friend", |
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"aunt", |
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"employer", |
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"car dealer", |
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"housemaid", |
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"limousine driver", |
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"study partner", |
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"roommate", |
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"half-sister", |
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"step-uncle", |
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"Perl mentor", |
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"third cousin", |
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"mother-in-law", |
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"father-in-law", |
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"tennis partner", |
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"gym spotter", |
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"statistician", |
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"hairdresser", |
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"dungeon master", |
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"priest", |
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"BFF", |
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"sugar daddy", |
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"secret lover", |
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"great grandmother", |
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"retarded parakeet", |
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"chemistry assistant", |
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"meth cook", |
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"crippled dog", |
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"deaf cat", |
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"PHP advisor", |
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"personal trainer", |
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"neighbor", |
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"lacrosse teammate", |
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"distant Russian relative", |
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"personal cheerleader", |
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"autistic goldfish", |
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"dishwasher", |
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); |
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our @Activity = ( |
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"photoshopping dicks", |
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"browsing 4chan", |
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"posting memes", |
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"mining scamcoins", |
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"browsing CPAN", |
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"avoiding honest work", |
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"being a fucktard on Tumblr", |
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"smoking weed", |
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"scamming people", |
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"writing to Nigerian princes", |
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"collecting reddit karma", |
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"mocking celebrities", |
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"playing Farm Birds on MyFace+", |
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"IRCing", |
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"answering fetish surveys", |
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); |
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sub make_money_at_home { |
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1
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1
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0
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my $activity = $Activity[rand @Activity]; |
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1
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3
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my @people; |
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1
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do { |
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my $new_subj = $Subject[rand @Subject]; |
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push @people, $new_subj unless grep {; $_ eq $new_subj } @people |
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} until @people == 3; |
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84
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1
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5
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my $unemploy = (int rand 36) + 4; |
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1
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4
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my $hourly = (int rand 60) + 40; |
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1
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my $monthly = (int rand 10_000) + 10_000; |
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1
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my @gender = int rand 2 ? ('He', 'his') : ('She', 'her') ; |
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90
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"My $people[0]'s $people[1]'s $people[2] makes \$$hourly an hour on the " |
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."computer. $gender[0] has been without work for $unemploy months but last " |
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."month $gender[1] pay was \$$monthly from just $activity " |
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."a few hours per day." |
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} |
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96
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1; |
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98
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99
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=pod |
100
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101
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=head1 NAME |
102
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103
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Acme::MakeMoneyAtHome - I made 17047 dollars just posting Acme dists to CPAN |
104
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105
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=head1 SYNOPSIS |
106
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107
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use Acme::MakeMoneyAtHome; |
108
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print make_money_at_home(); |
109
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110
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=head1 DESCRIPTION |
111
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112
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Exports the function B, which can tell you how |
113
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much money your father's gym spotter's autistic goldfish made last month just |
114
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browsing 4chan a few hours per day. |
115
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116
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=head1 CONTRIBUTORS |
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118
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Perl-ified and maintained by Jon Portnoy |
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120
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This Perl implementation is based on JavaScript written by B, whose |
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real name I'll put here if he ever trusts me enough to tell me. |
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123
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=head1 LICENSE |
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125
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Licensed under the same terms as Perl. |
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127
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=cut |